The Twilight Zone
by Addicted Archangel
Summary: Oneshot. What the hell was I smoking when I wrote this? I can't even write a summary. It's AU like hell. You are entering...the twilight zone...


**A/N: Hey hey, a funny little oneshot that's been screaming for some time at me to write it. Beta read by the lovely LT. NO ONE MENTION THE SEASON FINALE TO ME! I haven't watched it yet!!**

-o-o-o-

_There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.  
- Narrator, 1__st__ season of The Twilight Zone_

...

It was a perfectly normal day at the BAU. Folders lay neatly placed on each desk, paperwork finished and coffee cups in the dish washer. Prentiss and Morgan sat by their desks, looking over a few old cases to keep MO's fresh in their memories.

"Hey, Morgan", Prentiss said, chewing her cherry flavored gum with an open mouth. "How about coming with me to that new club, Sash, after work? I hear there are a lot of cute girls there."

"Oh, uh…" Morgan began, his eyes darting from folder to folder, looking everywhere but into Prentiss' eyes. Blushing heavily, he continued. "I-I don't think…uh…that's a good idea. You know…"

Prentiss gave a sharp sigh, flicking her hair backwards while sticking a finger in her mouth and began twirling her gum around the tip of it. "Oh, Morgan, you are such a draaaag…!" she exclaimed dejectedly. "There _is _more in life than books you know!"

"I like books", Morgan mumbled, burying his nose in his folder, trying to hide his blushing cheeks.

"Well, I'm going", Prentiss said firmly. "I'm gonna find a hot guy and get laid. I so need that, working with you people. You are all so boring…and ugly…" She sighed, leaning back into her chair, pulling her gum out a foot from her mouth, then swirling it around her tongue while putting it back in. Blowing a bubble, she studied her nails. She sure could use a nice pedicure.

Morgan sat silently across the desk, pretending to read his file. In reality, all he wanted to do was go hide in the janitor's closet until the day was over and he could go home and watch reruns of _I Love Lucy_.

The short silence was interrupted by JJ who walked up to the two agents. "I know you're not going to Sash without me, Emily!" She ran her fingers through her purple bangs and smiled a wide smile through black lipstick. The meticulous gothic make up she had applied that morning had taken her over an hour, as it always did. "I totally need to get drunk and fuck everything that moves slower than two miles per hour."

"Like, for sure!" Emily held her hand up in a high-five position, and JJ slapped it victoriously, careful not to break one of her inch-long carbon black nails.

"But JJ", Morgan said carefully. "What about Will? And Henry?"

"Oh, Will-schmill! That door mat can stay at home for all I care, with that noisy ass shit factory. I can't stand them!" An exasperated sigh escaped her as she sat down on Prentiss' desk, adjusting her fishnet stalking.

"Okay", Morgan whispered, diving back down into his file and kept dreaming about Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball.

"Hey, Garcia!" JJ called. "Are you coming with us tonight?" she asked ironically.

Garcia walked over to the agents, a folder in one hand and a brown leather briefcase in the other. "I wouldn't believe so, ladies. I am far too occupied with my work to be bothered to attend functions containing ill-mannered men, alcoholic beverages and music that is not suitable for sensitive ears like mine." She straightened her gray woolen suit and silk tie before running her hand briefly over her head, making sure her French twist was impeccable as usual. Sighing slightly, she threw a glance at JJ. "Jennifer, is it not time for you to abandon such childish derogatory actions, like painting your face for the male species' pleasure?"

"Say what now?" JJ looked suspiciously at the neat blonde in front of her. "Go back to your cave, troll woman."

"Very well." Garcia tossed her head as she walked away. "It is like trying to teach a pig manner…" she mumbled as she turned the corner, nearly running into Rossi who was just entering the bullpen.

Luckily, Rossi was too occupied on the phone to even notice the proper blonde swerving to the side to avoid collision. "Yes dear…yes dear…yes dear…" he repeated at regular intervals. "Yes dear…yes dear…yes dear…" He continued towards his office, pressing the phone close to his ear.

Prentiss looked at her colleague as he shuffled by, slightly hunched over and mussed up looking. "Wife on the line again, Dave?" she called teasingly.

Rossi nodded shortly, and then continued up the stairs. "Yes dear…yes dear…lamb will be good…yes dear…I'll pick it up after work…yes dear…"

As the door slammed behind him, JJ turned to Prentiss. "It's a miracle that she even allows him to leave the house." Laughing, she pulled up a mirror and checked her lipstick.

"It's a miracle we haven't had to profile him for the murder of his wife", Prentiss giggled as she twirled her chewing gum.

Morgan looked up from behind his file. "He loves his wife, is that so bad?"

Prentiss laughed out loud. "Loves?! He's too old to find anything else, and he's too much of a door mat to stand up to her! Love – I don't think so…"

The girls laughed as Morgan rose, blushing terribly. He padded over to the coffee machine to get himself a nice, big cup of coffee. With an inward moan, he heard the voice of someone he would rather have avoided today.

"Babes, I'm not free tonight. No, not tomorrow either. Wednesday I can do." A laugh. "That sounds great…you bring the syrup, I'll bring the cuffs. They're standard issue." Another cocky laugh. "Only if you're good… I'll call you."

Click.

"Hey, Morgan!"

A hand reached out across the bench and grabbed the coffee pitcher, filling up a cup.

"Hey Reid."

"Ain't it a great day?" Reid reached his arms out to the sides and pushed up his chest in a hard stretch. "I have a good feeling about today."

"Really..?" Morgan wondered carefully as he put his mug to his lips to sip some good-morning juice. To him it was just another morning of taunting and ridicule. Like it always was. He wanted to go home.

"Yeah", Reid said, smiling widely. He ran his fingers through his hair, fastening it in the back with an elastic band. Taking the phone from the counter, he shoved it into the pocket of his slim fit jeans and gave himself the once-over in his reflection off a metal tray. "I look good, I feel good and I'm here. Could it get any better?" Straightening his black t-shirt, he grabbed the cup of coffee from the counter and walked over to the girls, who were still chatting by Prentiss' desk.

"Hey", he said. "How about you, you and I get together a little later. I'm free tonight…" He winked at the girls while grazing Prentiss' hair with his long, slender fingers.

The girls giggled happily. "I thought you were fully booked until the end of the week", JJ said smiling.

"I was", Reid said with a smirk. "I'm going out with Brooke tomorrow, Jane on Tuesday and Ian on Wednesday. But I cancelled with Alec tonight, just to make time for you two…" He winked at them once again and took a swig off his coffee. "Be at my place at seven."

The girls once again giggled and began whispering to each other. Reid caught Prentiss' eyes momentarily and raised his hand, showing five fingers and giving her a wink. It was the code for 'meet me in the janitor's closet in five minutes'. Prentiss blushed and dove down to squeal with JJ about the upcoming awesome sex. Little did she know that Reid had already invited Brian from third floor to the same closet to make things more…interesting.

"Hey…" Morgan said carefully. "Has anyone seen Hotch today?"

"No…" Prentiss sighed. "He's probably in his office again. I guess we'll have to get him…again." She rose, followed by Morgan and JJ, and walked up the stairs towards their superior's office. Reid stayed behind, having already received a raunchy text message from Ian that he was responding wickedly to.

The other agents knocked on Hotch's door. "Come in", a cracking voice replied, and they entered.

Hotch sat at his desk, hunched over and shaking.

"Here we go again", Prentiss mumbled dejectedly. "What happened, boss?"

Hotch sniffled pathetically and looked up, tears in his eyes. "It…it broke!"

"What broke?"

"The…the pencil! The pencil broke while I was writing!" He burst into uncontrollable tears, burying his face in his hands. "Oh, God…" he cried, shaking his head.

JJ looked at Prentiss, and then strolled over to the table, picking up a pencil. "Hotch? Here, look. A nice, new pen. There you go. Take it."

Hotch reached for the pencil, wiping snot from his nose on his cheap polyester sleeve. "Thank…you…" He sobbed the words. As he put the pen to the paper and began writing, nothing came out. No words emerged onto the paper. The superior froze and began shaking once again.

"It's…it's out of ink!" Once again, he broke into a sobbing, sniffling cry-frenzy, leaning his arms and head over the table. "Oh, god, why me?! Why me!?"

Morgan quickly ran over to his side, crouching next to his chair. "It's okay", he said, putting his arms around his superior and rocking him gently. "It's okay, let it all out...shhh…let it all out… It's okay…"

The girls slowly backed out of the room, closing the door behind them.

"This place is a freak show", Prentiss mumbled tiredly. "We have a unit chief who blubbers every time his shoe lace is open and a team that is obviously seriously dysfunctional."

"Tell me about it." JJ flicked her purple hair. "Do you ever feel like you're the only normal person in the room?"

"Every damn day." Prentiss and JJ walked down the stairs towards Reid and Morgan. "At least there's Reid."

"The nymphomaniac player Casanova? Oh, yeah. He's a real treat."

"Oh, and I guess Morgan's more your cup of tea?"

"I'd like someone who's not afraid to make eye contact, hello? It would be like fucking a dead seal."

"Rossi?"

"'Yes dear, yes dear, yes dear', need I say more?"

"Not many more choices to make there, girlfriend."

"Well…" JJ turned to Prentiss and smirked.

Prentiss held her hand up, five fingers and winked. Giggling, they separated and went back to pretending to do work.

It was going to be a busy day.


End file.
